My Heart.

This week, my heart has gone from throbs to pitter patters, daily.

The missing girls, 45 minutes from home, absolutely makes every part of me ache.  I can.not.fathom not having my birdies in my nest.  I would be that mom, hysterical as can be.  There is no reason for it.  Those girls, regardless of where they come, are innocent little children, experiencing fear and a nightmare come true.  Dallas and I were talking that nobody has any clue of what they are experiencing, obviously.  Chances are it's probably not great, but even if they were being treated like royalty and having "fun," fun is only fun for so long.  There is no place like home.  It makes me sick.  It makes my heart sink.  It is of this world.

In the same week, we celebrated birthdays.  It took work and preparation.  It took money and time.  But, we could.  And so, we will.  We celebrated life, and life is so worth celebrating.  God has given us Maleah for five precious years, years that I wouldn't trade, and thankfully haven't had to trade, for the world.  Because of that, we celebrate.  Watching her try not to explode in excitement and act all cool while singing happy birthday to her made my heart skip a beat.  Her life is something that will be eternal.

Then, the shooting in Colorado.  How can one person do so much cruelty?   One act, a matter of minutes, and so much devastation.  All the while some people work a lifetime for a little bit of good.  It doesn't seem fair, does it?  It is so very much of this world.

It is so hard to not get discouraged.  Watching the news is depressing.  Sometimes it just seems too overwhelming to think of the responsibility of raising children in this. 

But then I think about my heart.  It belongs to Jesus.  And, praise God, He has overcome all of this. 

I have tried to keep my attitude, thoughts, emotions, in check.  I won't complain about eating a cold lunch, because all the time I spent cutting hot dogs into a million tiny pieces, somebody wishes that they were too.  We won't complain about bad farm days and no rain, because most years are spectacular.  While I feel discouraged about disciplining for the umpteenth time today, I'll remember there is a woman out there who so badly wants to guide and teach a child, but she, for whatever reason, is unable.

Days are hard, for sure.  Not everything is honky dory.  But it doesn't take much to look around and realize that, because my heart is grounded in Him, we are so blessed.

We are in this word, but we do not have to, and should not, be of it.  This world has disappointed so much the last week.  It has settled in me as fear and paranoia, sadness and anger. 

But in the moments my heart trembles, my husband, home, job, kids, bring it back into rhythm and remind me we are His.  I'm thankful He lives in my heart and holds my tomorrow.  Because sometimes the todays, are just plain painful.